First Contact

from by The Wonder-Nerds

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First Contact

The Star date’s 8-7-2721
We're in star system Beta Canum Venticorum
I see a planet up ahead, I see water
on its surface
I see geometry on its ground, was it made on purpose?

Roger, I'm gonna take pod B, to see if I can get a closer look.
Roger that, Charlie, but when you get back this gnarly story will have to go in the books.

Now I'm on the dark side of the planet, and I see lights!
Guys I think I'm gonna land, I got a plan, and it feels so right!

I'm burning through the atmosphere
My scanners detect microbes here
There're creatures flying in these skies
With seven wings and 20 eyes

Roger they've flown I into me
My camera's down and I cannot see
Oh Zeus I think I'm going to crash
I better teleport you my space cash

R- Charlie, come in, Charlie?!
Charlie, do you read me?

C- Roger that, but my head sure hurts.
I was on fire so I rolled in the dirt.
My ship's exploded and destroyed my gear.
Thank Darwin I can breath the air.

I'm in the desert and I'm filled with fear
There's alien bones and noises here
The higher pressure is popping my ears
And a piercing siren's drawing near

Giant spheres with lights on their sides
Are coming towards me, should I run and hide?!
Or is my chance to be
An ambassador for humanity

First Contact
First Contact
First Contact
What a proud moment for our species
First Contact
What could possibly go wrong?

Oh wow you are ugly, but I still come peace
But you’re seriously fucking ugly, like my ball-sack bred with some fleas
Hey why am tied up, where are you taking me!?!
Oh, Wonder-Nerds save me! Won't you save me please!!!?!?

Roger- First Contact
Rescue mission
Time to save Charlie
From the evil aliens

Zack Ritter - Computer activate force-fields!
Roger- Ritter! Fire the laser shark! Get a lock on his position, we're going in!
Computer- Incoming Alien Transmission

(alien gibberish)

R- Computer, can you translate that shit please?

Wonder-Nerds, we’ve captured your drummer
And his space craft
We’re gonna anal probe him in our secret lab
Unless you give us some space cash.

R-Fuck that shit!

C- So they rescued me from the alien area 51
And we continued our voyage to new distant suns
But not before we gave those alien bastards anal probes
and made signs their crop fields that look like monkey chodes

So first contact was not all it was cracked up to be
I still can't name all those things they put inside of me
It's not worthy of going down in history
So let's go into that wormhole and try to forget about it!

We're entering the wormhole now!!
Don't know why or where or how!
Bring good fortunes, or make us say ow?
We're in the hands of Stephen Hawking now...


from Abuscientia, released July 30, 2013




The Wonder-Nerds Atlanta, Georgia

The start date was 8-7-2721, and in the Star System Beta Canum Venticorum, the Wonder-Nerds ran like pansies from the evil Scrotum Aliens, falling into a wormhole and inadvertently changing all of history as a consequence. The only surviving record of their travels lies in their album, Abuscientia. Listen with caution, skepticism, and most importantly, in chronological order. ... more

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