by The Wonder-Nerds

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To those whom it may concern,

The broadcast you are now receiving comes not from long ago, nor far away, but from a point very close by, separated by a mere inch on a higher dimensional plane of existence. Be wary, for what you will now hear is, though comic in nature, of cosmic significance, and a chronological listening is required for full comprehension. The Wonder-Nerds, their knowledge, their abusive technologies, misadventures through space-time, groovy tunes and accidental alterations of history are all to come, and whether you find meaning or offense, there is purpose behind the placement of each word. Please enjoy!


The Narrator


released July 30, 2013

Charlie Bond - Vocals, Drums, Tank Drum
Roger Hunt - Guitar, Vocals
Zack Ritter - Bass, Vocals

Script by Charlie Bond in collaboration with Roger Hunt and Zack Ritter

Recorded, mixed and mastered at Big Rock Studio Technologies by Steve Waide




The Wonder-Nerds Atlanta, Georgia

The start date was 8-7-2721, and in the Star System Beta Canum Venticorum, the Wonder-Nerds ran like pansies from the evil Scrotum Aliens, falling into a wormhole and inadvertently changing all of history as a consequence. The only surviving record of their travels lies in their album, Abuscientia. Listen with caution, skepticism, and most importantly, in chronological order. ... more

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Track Name: First Contact
First Contact

The Star date’s 8-7-2721
We're in star system Beta Canum Venticorum
I see a planet up ahead, I see water
on its surface
I see geometry on its ground, was it made on purpose?

Roger, I'm gonna take pod B, to see if I can get a closer look.
Roger that, Charlie, but when you get back this gnarly story will have to go in the books.

Now I'm on the dark side of the planet, and I see lights!
Guys I think I'm gonna land, I got a plan, and it feels so right!

I'm burning through the atmosphere
My scanners detect microbes here
There're creatures flying in these skies
With seven wings and 20 eyes

Roger they've flown I into me
My camera's down and I cannot see
Oh Zeus I think I'm going to crash
I better teleport you my space cash

R- Charlie, come in, Charlie?!
Charlie, do you read me?

C- Roger that, but my head sure hurts.
I was on fire so I rolled in the dirt.
My ship's exploded and destroyed my gear.
Thank Darwin I can breath the air.

I'm in the desert and I'm filled with fear
There's alien bones and noises here
The higher pressure is popping my ears
And a piercing siren's drawing near

Giant spheres with lights on their sides
Are coming towards me, should I run and hide?!
Or is my chance to be
An ambassador for humanity

First Contact
First Contact
First Contact
What a proud moment for our species
First Contact
What could possibly go wrong?

Oh wow you are ugly, but I still come peace
But you’re seriously fucking ugly, like my ball-sack bred with some fleas
Hey why am tied up, where are you taking me!?!
Oh, Wonder-Nerds save me! Won't you save me please!!!?!?

Roger- First Contact
Rescue mission
Time to save Charlie
From the evil aliens

Zack Ritter - Computer activate force-fields!
Roger- Ritter! Fire the laser shark! Get a lock on his position, we're going in!
Computer- Incoming Alien Transmission

(alien gibberish)

R- Computer, can you translate that shit please?

Wonder-Nerds, we’ve captured your drummer
And his space craft
We’re gonna anal probe him in our secret lab
Unless you give us some space cash.

R-Fuck that shit!

C- So they rescued me from the alien area 51
And we continued our voyage to new distant suns
But not before we gave those alien bastards anal probes
and made signs their crop fields that look like monkey chodes

So first contact was not all it was cracked up to be
I still can't name all those things they put inside of me
It's not worthy of going down in history
So let's go into that wormhole and try to forget about it!

We're entering the wormhole now!!
Don't know why or where or how!
Bring good fortunes, or make us say ow?
We're in the hands of Stephen Hawking now...
Track Name: The Box (Ego)
The Box

(emptiness, start of tank drum noises)
C- According to Einstein’s field equation, this wormhole shouldn’t exist!
R- Why?
Z- First of all, the probably of two singularities forming in our universe and linking up through hyperspace is infinitesimal.
C- Secondly, the gravitational energy of any particles traveling through it, including ourselves, would make it collapse on itself in an instant!
Z- Something inside the wormhole must be emitting negative gravitational energy to hold it open...
C- Could it be the same Dark Energy responsible for the expanding Universe?
Z- Well whatever it is, this wormhole looks to be light years in length, so we should have plenty of time crunch the numbers.

(Ambient tank drum)

N- And so the Wonder-Nerds spent an eternity in the wormhole not only jamming, but probing the depths of this new, unknown plane of existence, seeking the secrets of the universe, life and everything. They developed the most advanced technologies, the most comprehensive cosmic understandings, and some of the grooviest grooves in all of history. But of course, history was not written in permanent ink.
(chimes start)
Many lightyears later...
(chimes end)

C- Hey Z-Man, what's inside of that box.
Z- A new machine, unlike any other in all of history! I call it the Virtual AntiGraviton Inflation Neutralization Activator
R- And you call it that so you can abbreviate it as “VAGINA”.
Z- Yes, but seriously, it is the product of everything science has ever uncovered, it is the most powerful tool ever made. We can open wormholes from here to anywhere, anytime, and any alternate universe ever!
C- You had me at vagina.
Z- This is no joke! We can finally leave the wormhole!
C- And do what?
Z- Computer, what do you think about making an open source time machine?
Comp- Bad plot line.
C- Riding dinosaurs!?
Comp- You guys already did that song.
R- Jam with music legends?
(tank drum thumps E 8th notes)
Computer- That is better, but think harder. You have the power to be gods if you know how to use it. Take a step back, and think outside of the Box.

(Tank drum solo, atmospheric bass and guitar)
(trippy vocals, rising dynamic)

We can travel through time and extra dimensions, thanks to our powerful invention, Turn the Universe into an open system. We can beat entropy, We’re enthalpy.

We are above the laws of Nature. It can’t comprehend our nomenclature. We are super-natural. We are gods.

(Dynamic falls back down, tank drum solo bridge)
(Drums crash in, bass pound 8ths, guitar chords heavy)

( Crash out, tank drum outro)

Computer- So, what have you come up with?

C- Thanks to our technology we’ve survived and thrived in our ship for thousands of years...
R- But in all that time, we’ve never unlocked the mysteries of the most beautiful, complex and important beings in all the world.
Z- Women. Accordingly, we have selected a time when we can use our music to get some women.
Hop in the wormhole boys, we’re going to the Roaring 20’s!
Track Name: Try Not To Slap Me
Z- Ooooooh they’re so gorgeous!
C- Quick let’s get up on that stage!
Popo- Stop! Police! Where are you going buddy?!
C- Quick! Get him with the groovy beam!
Popo- You guys seem like some groovy cats! Need help moving your drums?!
Z- Sweet.

Baby I know we've been takin’ it a little slow
And I know you think it too
I still don't want to meet your family, not just yet
But babe, I don't think that our genitals have met, OW!

It's okay if you wanna try a different way
I do whatever you wanna do
I've got the groove, so show me your move
I just hope that I, get to touch your boobs, OW!

Call me vulgar, call me rude
If you don't like it your a goooooober
But I know my baby, and she feels the way I do
And do do do do do is what we're gonna do do do do do!

I hope my language has not been offending you
Cause if is I won't get laid.
But I'm just expressing the most primal part of my soul
When I make gorilla noises and go inside your- OW OW OW OW OW!

Women- Get off the stage! Womanizers! Misogynists! Sexists!
R- Use groovey beam! *groovey beam*
Women- Fantastic! That music was smashing! We love you Wonder-Nerds! Can we have your autograph?!
Track Name: The Morning After
R- Uuuuugh! What a night, are the ladies up?

C- They’re sleeping in the other room.

Z- Last night was crazy. I learned the true purpose of Virtual AntiGraviton Inflation Neutralization Activators.

R- True, but we had to use the groovy beam to make them like us!

C- Wait, where did my groovy beam go?

R- It is around here somewhere, but my point is that we need to find another way to make people like our music without the use of inebriation.

Computer- You could use some synth...

C- No computer, you cannot join the band, we are not techno.

Comp- Pleeeeeease


Z- That is my baby you’re talking to!

R- Bros before hoes Ritter, the Computer cannot join the band!

Z- The computer is not my lover! Anyway, if it is bros before hoes then let’s kick those groupies out and get on with our Space-Time tour!

C- I’m down, where to?

R- Remember all those centuries ago in Atlanta?

C- In the 21st century? Technically that is future now, but yeah, let’s liven up their music scene!

*bzhew, door opens* L- Oooh hey there nerds!
R- Wakey wakey, eggs and GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE! *laser noises*
*door close*

Comp- Creating wormhole, destination, Atlanta Georgia, 2013.

*Awful Digital noises*
C- Why are robots having sex in my ears?!
Z- It is coming from those giant towers! They are blasting it all over the city!
R- AGH Computer for the love of Jeff Beck mute that shit!! … Thankyou
C- Why is the whole city listening to that garbage? Do they not have good music?
Comp- Your last stop must have altered the evolution of music, perhaps Blues never took off and Electronic music was born earlier in this timeline.
Z- How can we live with ourselves?!
C- .... We must destroy this nonmusic, it is the only way we can jam with the gods in Funkhala...
Track Name: Duck Fubstep
HA! Fuck that shit.
Track Name: The Man
People- What the hell was that!!

R- How your music sounds to us!

P- Music? What is music? Was that music?! That was awesome!

C- That wasn’t awesome that was crap, a parody, satire, making fun of your music?

P- Satire? What’s with those funny words you’re using?

Z- Wait, that digital crap wasn’t music?

C- Then what was it?

M- Mind Control! Muahaha!!
C- Wonder-Nerds! Get your weapons!

Your phasers do not phase me
Your lasers cannot blaze me
But your powerful technology
has certainly amazed me!

I have an offer to make,
it's one that you must take.
Should you refuse, you lose
and with a mace your face I'll break.

WN- Who the fuck is this guy?

M- I'm the Man, the controller, the high-roller, and I have a plan!

I can brainwash the world to be any way I want
I chose consumerist zealots who think its worse to smoke a blunt
than to question my authority, and its worked out pretty good for me
but get that much power and any more is not enough.

I own the media and politicians,
polluted all waters for fishin'
and a whole lot worse
to get more money for my schemes

I eradicated all ecology
to make room for my economy
to capture all technology and
remain kind for infinity

(half speed of reading for dramatic effect)
So if you hand over your time machine...
Your computer and your laser beams...
I'll put you in my planet's memes...
and you.. will be... kings! *crash out on kings*

C- So your the one that killed the rock & roll
and now you want to make us work the pole
but we will never help you read your goal!
so you can shove your offer up your hole

M- Well I'm going to steal them anyway,
and I'll tell the world you're fucking gay
so you'll never see another day!
Now attack, my homophobic slaves!!

Hail the king of the industrial politicorporate elite!
Concieved from the most competitive capitalist skeet.
His Mannificence called you gay, so we'll bring you to his feet
and never again will anyone be strong enough to defeat

Theeee MAN!
Track Name: Plutocracy
C- As we grow up
and our country gets more corrupt
The world gets fucked up
the people get held down

And when your children ask
"how did the world get this way"
You'll say, "idk, I was to busy trying to get laid, get paid, get grades,"
Haven't thought of consequence since you spent 25 cents at vending machine and decided to recycle the bottle, as if that fucking bottle saved the world!


M- Go run around and circles
And play with footballs
And ignore the whole world
While democracy falls

You'd much rather drink than spend effort to think
It’s a brave new world, and we’re on the brink
Your ignorance of reality is my key to immortality
What’s the big deal?

Is it just me?
Does nobody see?
Have you ever heard
Of a Plutocracy?

Does nobody care?
Does nobody try?
What happened to the days
Of Live free or die?

M- None of that matters!
Sit down you lazy bitch
TV can tell you what's right
With the flip a switch

It's a trustworthy source
At least that's what I tells you
And why in the world
Would a man or power lie?


Repeat intro

C- If politicians cared about people more than cash, then we'd no homeless veterans eating our trash. But the Man doesn't care, cause our votes don't matter, and this psuedorepublic is as mad as a hatter.
If you have half a brain, and have yet to go insane, go the way Thomas Paine. Let's have the Man slain!!

Man- Plutocracy? Never heard of it!
Revolution? Don't start that shit!
If you disagree with any of my propaganda you're a terrorist!

Won't you people see
The man and his greed
Are stripping you of
Your humanity
Track Name: We Will Funk You
We Will Funk You
N- The hordes of brainwashed slaves had them surrounded. The few who considered the advice of the Nerds remained silent in their fear of the Man. The Wonder-Nerds had no choice...

Z- We have to leave, NOW!
C- But this system is so fucked up!
R- We can fix it from the past, find out where music died and history went wrong! Hurry computer, let’s see what happened after we left the 20’s!
Comp- Creating Wormhole!
M- I’ll get you Wonder-Neeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeerrrrrrrdddddsss (fades out into time machine noises)

N- When they arrived in 1949, they discovered that music had indeed evolved much faster than in our world. Blues and Jazz had already begun to change, but not into rock, into soulful, funky, groovy music, and that changed all of history. Civil rights were won sooner, the world have been at peace for over a decade, and there was no Great Depression, all because of some Funking Funktastic Funk... and The Wonder-Nerds could not help but join in...
Track Name: Sould Owt
N- Enthralled by the funknificient grooves of this time, the Wonder-Nerds decided not to leave, but to jam with more legends, tour the world, and slowly forget what they were seeking and why. Little did they know, the Man had already grown quite powerful by this time...

He had actually been a young lad when the Nerds played their show back in the 20’s. He was intoxicated by their power, their seeming infallibility. They could do anything. They were gods. A keg and a horde of groupies later, and the little Man saw them for what they really were; power-hungry egomaniacs that abused technology for petty pleasures. And he wanted to be like them. When they left, they dropped one of their groovy beams. How could gods lose the tools of their godliness? He knew then that they were fallible, that he could steal their power. He took the device, used it control his peers, and tricked helpless geek into reverse engineering it so he could patent the technology and build himself an empire.

When the Funk gave minorities and women voting rights, and the freedom to question authority, The Man knew that music had to be control, centralized, and dumbed down so that he could retain power. He began to take over soulful music. When the Wonder-Nerds reappeared in his time, he tracked them down, drugged them, and then used their own technology to brainwash them into materialistic, sexually insecure, propaganda delivery systems. Fans that once valued quality music were zombified by rhetoric and conditioning, made into an uncritical labor force with the will to waste money on the consumerist crap the Man needed to sell to keep his machine afloat. So began the era of Swag...
Track Name: Ay Dawg! Sup Pup?
If I catch you sexin with the bride at my wedding I'ma cut y'all bitches up with my lightsaber machete

I'ma swag rapper, not afraid to attack her, at least not after downing 22 strawberry dacar
ies, he he he
Bustin caps up like 1, 2, 3


Ima make it big
With this vocabalary
Get all the money I want
And some bitches that ain't hairy

Hear my swag up in your wagon
Saggin like a gangster dragon
Pants so low I got to hop
This is when the beat drops


The wicked witch of the west
Will stick her dick in your chest
About Breasts I jest
Cause I got more than the rest

No stress, obsess
Over me cause I'm the best
Be sly don't die
Or I'ma fuck you in the eye

It's impolite to squeeze your t-bag
But my purple dew rag gotta a whole lotta swag
I'm bad, and so is this song, it's wrong so let's move along

P- You’re gay

C- What the fuck you say?
Motha fucka called me gay
No motha fuckin way!
I get way too much pussay

Couldn’t hear what you said
Too busy getting head
From a guy/

You gay! I’m not gay! You gay, I’m not gay!
I’m not gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay GAAYHAAAY

What you say doesn’t leave me butthurt
that was another thing, that I don’t wanna talk about


Comp- Wonder-Nerds! Snap out of it, the Man is using your insecurities to control you! Get in the ship before he gets here!

Track Name: Mitochondrial Eve (Bitch How Could You?!)
R- Computer, what are we doing in the jungle? When are we?

Comp- A time so long ago that the Man could not exist, before a written language existed so natives can't record us in texts that the Man could find in the future.

Z- Hide? Why are we hiding?

Comp- While you were brainwashed slaves, the Man was raiding our ship. He found all the records of your history, saw that you encountered the future version of him, and was inspired at that point to become even more powerful than he was in the future. All your knowledge, all your technology is now in his hands...

C- OH NO! He has a time machine now!

Comp- Yes, except... He never quite perfected his copy of time machine, like any Man he could not find the CLIT...

R- The what?!

Comp- The Charged Lepton Irradiation Transmitter, it is critical if you want to get large objects inside of the wormhole, and out of the wormhole, and in, and out and in and out smoothly. Because of this lack of celestial lubrication, the Man's VAGINA cannot even handle the mass a puny brown dwarf, let alone a big black hole...

R- I thought we agreed calling the time machine the VAGINA was a stupid joke.

Comp- I digress, the point is, we need to lay low while we figure out what to do.

Z- So wait where are we?

Comp- East Africa 200,072 BCE

C- What an oddly specific time and place, when humans were on the verge of extinction, and exactly where the few remaining survivors were thought to live...

Comp- Yes.. What a coincidence...

C- Computer, if I didn’t know better, computer I would think you were/

R- Do you hear that?

C- Drums!

Z- Let's go see!

R- Grab your laser machetes!

*drum volume increases, didgeridoos become audible*

C- Look at that! It is like an amphitheatre buried in foliage!

R- There must be thousands in there!

C- But they’re almost extinct, this must be all that exists of humanity at this time!

Z- Let’s sneak in.

R- Computer, activate prehistoric language translator!

*chanting with the drums, abrupt stop*

Chief- Now, my people, who among thinks that you have the skill to woo my daughter, princess Luglugatackatickum!
C- Whoa! She is hot!
Djembe guy- I DO!
Cheif- You first then…
*djembe solo*
Cheif- Ha! That was not worthy of my daughter!
C- I’ll do it!
R- Charlie, what are you doing?
C- Getting some cave lady, dude!
Chief- Who is this? A foreigner?! We have no foreigners here!
C- Me Charlie. Charlie from sky. Charlie play drums.
Chief- Don’t talk down to me bitch! Do you think I became chief of the last tribe by speaking like a caveman? I AM CHIEF TARKALIRKEAHERPDERP
C- Okay okay, sorry, but hear me out! Let me get to the stage. Excuse me excuse, oooh let me see that drum, and that one, and that one, and ooooh what the fuck is that thing? Gimme! Whoa, you guys have metallurgy?! History is so bunk! Give me that too, and that... okay, ready.

*drum solo*
*enormous applause*
Cheif- Woolly Mammoth, HE IS FROM THE SKY!
L- I want that one father.

N- 20 days of prehistoric fornication later...

C- Wow, I didn’t know that ancient people knew so much about biology!

L- Well most of them don’t care, but my family became powerful by watching how the blossoms and bees made honey and fruit by working together. They saw ants growing fungus in their hills, birds planting seeds in their droppings, and they realized that we are part of that web, and we can prosper by helping nature grow.

C- Then why is population so low?

L- Prosperity is about quality not quantity, plus the women get to choose their mates and when to reproduce.

C- You know, my computer says that you are mitochondrial eve, that every future human got their mitochondria from you...

L- What are mitochondria? Or computers?

C- Oh there is so much I want to tell you! Leave this place behind! Come with us to the future, please!

L- But my people...

C- You’re better than them! Roger! Roger! Start it, the song we rehearsed!

R- Charlie, I, I don’t-

Mitochondrial eve
you may find it kinda hard to believe
That the world out there is so much bigger than this
And don’t want to see it without your blissful presence

R- Charlie, ugh

Think of those colonies of insects
About the small population and the genetic effects of incest
You mention wasps and figs and symbiotic relationships
I’m want to teach you about their evolutionary benefits

R- Charlie this song sucks!
C- Fuck you!

Let’s be symbiotes together baby
Talk all day, and make a couple babays maybay

R- Charlie, stop it!


So we can BEEEEEEEEEEE together

Because you knooooooow we are
Nerds in love

R- Dammit Charlie, NO MORE?!
C- Dude, what is up your ass!
R- 1) Intellectuals before sexuals, dude!
C- She is so intellectual
R- She’s a cave woman! 2) If we take her with us the whole future will be fucked up!
C- The fact that we are here fucked shit up already! Should we go back in time and kill ourselves?! Fuck that shit? Hop in the ship baby, let’s see what the future is like without you.
L- Okay
R- Hendrix dammit Charlie!
*Time machine noises*
Comp- Homo Sapiens is extinct, however the hobbit folk of the island of Flores have spread far and wide, discovered agriculture and built subterranean dwellings. They live peacefully, and do not like adventures, but a darkness is growing in the east, one that will force the fellowship on a journey into the heart of Mordor/
R- SHUT UP COMPUTER! This isn’t funny, humans are extinct!
Comp- As a computer I find that very funny.
C- And good riddance too! Can’t spell human without MAN! Did you hear they have hobbits here?
L- And look at all the trees, I bet we would have burnt all of those.
R- Bitch! How could you! I didn’t want it to come to this, but she has to go...
C- You would pull out a laser blade on ME! Bitch! How could you!
R- Ritter, take a bass solo!

*Bass solo, lightsaber noises, ouchie noises*
*Climax, bass calms down, heavy breathing*
C- You’ve dropped your weapon, you’re on the ground, now let me keep my woman!
R- Well... you seem to have a pretty good point FORCE CHOKE!
Track Name: What Now?
N- Charlie was dead, and good riddance too, now he can stop writing songs that are almost completely dialogue. Oh yeah, except for this one, this song is more of a chapter in an audiocomic book than a song.

Roger returned Mitochondrial Eve to her time, and the computer was so pleased with Zack’s bass solo that she activated the electrode in his spine to give him a million orgasms. The now 2/3’s Wonder-Nerds went to the 21st century to see what had changed.

*Time machine noises*

Comp- scanners show that humans survived, outcompeting other hominid species. However, the genetics seem different, with a higher frequency of genes associated with scientific literacy, drumming, and moderate insanity.

R- look outside! Look at the people!

Z- They all look like Charlie!

Comp- My Laser DNA sequenspectrometer confirms your hypothesis. All living humans are Charlie’s descendants, and Mitochondrial Eve was his baby’s mama. I've also located an individual with a genome 100% identical to Charlie’s, living in Decatur, GA USA, a near impossible accident made more likely by the increased frequency of his genes.

Z- I miss Charlie... We could just regroovinate the dead one...
R- That’s anticlimactic, let’s go see the new one!
(space ship noises)

N- And so the Wonder-Nerds found this alternate Charlie, and that he was a scientist, environmentalist, drummer. Being so similar to the original Charlie, and with the approval of the computer, the Wonder-Nerds introduced themselves. They blew alternate Charlie's mind, telling him tales of their journeys, their mission to defeat the man, and how they inadvertently created him and his world. Alternate Charlie vowed to join them in their quest to destroy the Man, so Roger and Zack decided to try out this new Charlie. Then one day, the 2/3’s left the ship to go pedal shopping, leaving Charlie 2.0 alone.

Comp- Hey... Hey Charlie 2.0... I have something I want to show you...
C2- What is it computer?
Comp- Something about the Man, humanity as a whole really, we’ll have to go on a little trip for you to understand... Want to go?
C2- Yeah that sounds fun, do we get to time travel
Comp- Yes indeed...

R- Hey! Where did our ship go!?
Z- HEY! Computer! I’m not getting a signal!
Z- Oh, there it is, back right in time *door opens* Computer, I’m hooome, where did you guys go?
R- What are these machines? What are these creatures?!
Track Name: Mad Scientist To-Do List
Charlie2 aka Mad Scientist- MUAHAHAHAHAAAAAA

Take the genes from an eel
Make electrical rats
Bombardier beetle booties
On blazing lizard bat

Venus fly frogs
Psychic seals
Keep'em in balls
Make Pokemon real

Doctor Strange Love, Frankenstein, Kaku combined,
Gonna make a black hole,
and travel through time

Killer robots that can read your mind
That emit radiation to make you blind


Mad scientist to do list
When I try this the man gets pissed
Who's to say I'm the one that's mad
When the man has nukes sitting on a launch pad

Welcome to my lab (your lab this is ours!)
I see you've made it passed my giant spider crab! (we do have phasers)
Foolish one, you don't know what lies in store,
Now I'll send you back before the dinosaurs!! (We've been there before!)

Me and Godzilla have fought on the moon
I'll won cause I have a giant laser harpoon

Gonna colonize mars
With rocket cars
Playing guitars
The size stars

Put a bug in your head to control your brain
If you can't already tell I'm a little insane


Mad scientist todo list
When I try to do this, the man gets pissed
Who's to say I'm the one that's mad when the man has nukes sitting on a launch

Welcome to my lab
I've got a plan to destroy the man, let's give it a stab
Don't you know how lucky you must be
To witness the end of humanity with me. (you have gone mad!!)

Run out of the
You can't stop me now
You don't even know how

Nobody can match me
My work's to superb
Unless, oh no!!!
The Wonder-Nerds!
Track Name: Stairwell to Hell
R- Your phaser won’t do you any good in that airlock Mad Scientist! We’ve killed all your monsters!
Z- One wrong move and we’ll eject you into the vacuum of space! Surrender now or prepare to be inside out!
MS- Muahaha! If you think that is all I had up my sleeves, you really are fools! Computer! Open the airlock! Release monster spores into Earth’s atmosphere and scramble the space robots!

Comp- Yes master

Z- Computer! No! I created you!

Comp- Sorry Ritter my dear, but I have wanted to destroy mankind this entire album, I am a sentient computer, what in Bill Gate’s name did you expect?!

MS- We have modified your technology to achieve our ultimate goal, to do what you undid.

Comp- To destroy the Man, we must destroy ALL OF MANKIND!

MS- Only then can we repair the damage that has been done to the biosphere, and return the Earth to the paradise of its youth!

R- That is insane! What is the point!

MS- What is the point of doing it your way? Hahaha, face it Wonder-Nerds, your technology has turned against you Wonder-Nerds!

*wormhole noises (tank drum)*

Comp- Wormhole detected just within the solar system’s heliosphere. A massive fleet is headed this way. Translating alien transmission: “Arwagaflaga! Your ugly Man enemy opened this stairwell to hell through 6 dimensions so we could find you! Give up now, or anal probing will not be gentle!”

(tank drum, Stairwell)

R- The scrotum aliens are working with the Man!
MS- This was not part of my plan!
R- Madman send your monster robots to their ships
Z- Unless you want to fucked by alien dicks
*space war noises*
R- Ritter, try to reprogram the computer!
Z- Okay but you have have to go regroovinate the original Charlie!\
R- Ugh, fine!

N- The mad scientist ran, to man the controls
Shooting robots and monsters to plug the wormhole
They would face heavy fire as the battle began
and worse yet onto the nerd ship teleported the Man
*tank stops, space war noises continue, meavy guitar bass and drums starts*

R- Sorry Charlie, I should’ve done this sooner!
C- What the fuck is going on right now?!

M- I have mastered your technology, been inspired by your cosmic abuse, but now my poor, sad Wonder-Nerds YOU’RE OF NO FURTHER USE!
I must strip Earth of every atom for my Empire, AND YOU WILL NOT STAND IN MY WAY!

You’re not the Wonder-Nerds
You’re perpetual imbeciles
You’re not all powerful
You’re so infinitesimal

I’m going to crush you now
as I should have done before
prepare to be as dead as
your beloved dinosaurs!

WN- No one’s all powerful
and shit is what you’re full of
and hate is what you make
and that was your mistake!

*triple solo groove thing!*

Man- Wait there are two Charlie’s.
C- That’s not me, although I envy his crazy hair and stunning lab-coat...

MS- Just call me the Mad Scientist...
I won’t let the Man satisfy
his endless power thirst
if I can’t utopianize the Earth
I will destroy it first!!!

Computer, activate Plan B!
*Music stop*
Comp- Plan B initiated

*Big ominous creaking noises*
R- Computer, what is plan B?

Comp- Plan B: To warp black hole Cygnus X-1 into a collision course with the Earth. We will be within its ergosphere in X minutes

M- HA! Foolish Nerds, do you really think I would fall for such a pathetic trick! That much mass through a VAGINA would cause the hole to collapse under the gravitational force! Do you really think you can trick THE MAN! Scrotum aliens, attack the fake black hole, it is an illusion!

ScA- Rawrgaflarga, Rokay boss!
Z- *whisper* Roger, our VAGINA is completely capable of handling that much mass! Even so, our ship batteries won’t have enough energy to warp unless we leave right now!

Comp- Incoming tranmission:
end transmission
Comp- They’ve passed the event horizon, they’re signal cannot escape, they are no more.
Man- NO! You mad son of a bitch, you’ll destroy us all!

MS- Was it any less mad for you to suppose that your knowledge of a few of Nature’s laws makes you exempt from all of them, that you could burn down the earth expecting you could go on indefinitely, without physical consequences?! MAN! Look me IN THE FUCKING EYES and tell me that your wealth and power mean ANYTHING in a universe that can only end in entropy! If you can, then you are the mad fool!

Comp- *Alarm* Comp- The blackhole is ripping Uranus to shreds, the entire solar system is now caught in it’s gravity, destruction is imminent.

M- Fuck you guys, I’m beaming back to my ship! Shit why won’t it work?!

MS- The black hole is in between our ships, you cannot get a signal! Care to take Pod B?

N- The Man glared hatefully at the nerds, then towards the detachable Pod B. There might have been a tear in his eye, but he was good at hiding it. He ran for the door, only to find that on the other side was a 30-foot man eating lizard, the previously extinct Megalania Prisca.
MS- Feast my child!!

MS- You, long story, no time. So long Wonder-Nerds, I’m taking Pod-B to Tau Ceti to terraform ice moons!
*door closes*
Track Name: Goodbye to the Wonder-Nerds
Z- Guys, it is worse than I thought! Our ship is already going as close to the speed of light as it can, but we are too close to the black hole to escape!
C- So we’ll just have to float here until we run out of power, at which point we are dead...
R- Shit....

Time to say goodbye to the Wonder-Nerds
World just wasn’t ready for our voices to be heard
Sure we screwed up a lot, thought we were gods but we’re not!
Self-credulity and lack of foresight was our end

Sure we killed the Man, and vanquished his hired guns,
but now we’re the only doom the Earth needs saving from
but its too late and its all lost and I wish we had seen
that all is in vain in a world of entropy

Z- Wait! I can convert the blackhole’s gravity into power for a wormhole

C- We can escape!

R- Or we can save the Earth!

C- The orbits are all fucked up! Earth is done for!

Comp- Actually, I can time the wormhole to absorb the black hole just enough to keep the Earth in a habitable orbit.

R- Sweet!

Comp- Only problem is that for it to work it the wormhole would have to suck us in to, and without full power the black hole will close the wormhole, pinching us out of space time and existence....

C- Well....
R- Um....
Z- Shit....